I seriously just - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THIS IS SO FUNNY I'M DYING!

A Twig In Time

On a humourous and evil morning, Lucien sat on a sex tape. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His nose ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Ducky to love someone with a red crotch?

Romantically, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a soft dark hammer, all on a summer's day. I wish my Ducky would spit me, in his own fresh way..."

"Do you?" Ducky sat down beside Lucien and put his hand on Lucien's sexy big toe. "I think that could be arranged."

Lucien gasped heartily. "But what about my red crotch?"

"I like it," Ducky said giggly. "I think it's shiny."

They came together and their kiss was like a heroine addicted cat in a mud puddle.

"I love you," Lucien said huskily.

"I love you too," Ducky replied and spat him.

They bought a werewolf, moved in together, and lived patiently ever after.